It starts like a painless prick in the mind -- HIV? Me? Nah. Then after a while, you remember those crazy times in the past. Yeah , you think, crazy but not too crazy as to put me at risk. Besides, the probability of getting it is too low. Malinis naman sila , I'm sure. You continue to attempt convincing yourself. Time pass and you're most of the time successful in keeping those HIV thoughts at bay. Yet there were times, admit it, that the prick in the mind becomes a bit more intense. Did I really do it bareback? Can't remember na . May condom naman yata. Yata? Shit, can't remember na talaga . Now it's selective memory lapse. You think you were safe naman , most of the time, at the least. But you can't seem to get the doubt off your mind. Suddenly, you don't know, it is not clear if you really were safe. Everytime you see those three letters HIV, there's a slight skip in your heartbeat, a little lump in your throat forming. I think I have it. Maybe I